Nice long weekend. Feel rejuvenated and ready to go back to work facing worry. Mad Men obsession kicking in and I wish I could be as cold and conniving as Draper is. Smart, calculated, good with words, so utterly smooth and charming. I see it as a power thing. That is what interests me most. Joan has power, freedom and knowledge -- very strong and free. I know I'm free too and I'm so grateful not to be some stupid trophy housewife, utterly dependent on their husbands for fucking everything. I don't want the worries of a man, house or kid now, to basically be owned and tied down to it. As much as I'm craving union of sorts, harmonic routine and co-existence, I'm fickle and can be self-defeating. So anyway, I'm working on seeing the bigger picture, not being so micro-focused and aggro about everything. I can be so one-sided and short-sighted at times, utterly stubborn and a baby when I don't get my way, but hey, got to remember life isn't fair and I'm not going to get what I want, etc. So then, acceptance, let go, do what I can, do what I must. Just is, right? I'm in the life boat and can quit struggling. I'm not trying to survive anymore. I already am thriving, so "poverty-thinking" can go bye-bye. Practice getting out of self is what.
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